


Torn between vengeance and sorrow

by orphan_account



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Blood, Kurapika's really confused and torn, M/M, More tags to be added, Rating May Change, Sadness, Violence, leorio feels useless, mention of self harm, the troupe is back
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-05 19:30:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6718813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Killua and Gon hear news of the troupe possibly making a come back and travel to Yorknew in order to find Kurapika and tell him the news. However once there they are met with a shocking reality. One that will change their whole reason for being here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Don't look me in the eye's because I'm not the same

**Author's Note:**

> So, my Killua and I were talking and we came up with this idea. Kurapika has a reason for joining the troupe which will be reviled later like in the next chapter or two. Let me know what you guys think and if I should continue this. Also let me know who you think Kurapika was talking to on the phone.

It was raining out, the streets flooded, creating small splashes as feet hit the pavement. Blood and pure adrenaline pumped through Kurapika’s veins as he ran down the wet streets, rain soaking into his clothing, causing it to stick to his body. His eyes, scarlet and watching the form run from him, keep vigilant watch on the target, observing as they make a turn down an alleyway. There was no escape from this one. He rounded the corner sharply, walking now instead of running. The target wouldn’t be going anywhere so there was no rush. Kurapika, did however, seek to finish this quickly, for the rain was cold and not the most pleasant thing to be in. He neared the target, pulling out his double swords. The man whom he had been pursuing cowered on the ground, shivering. From the fear or the cold, that was unclear. “Please!” The man yelled, putting his hands up. Kurapika’s bangs fell over his eyes, adding a more ominous look to the blond. 

“If you want me to spare your life I suggest you start talking.” Kurapika said, voice level. It sounded neutral and it left a much deeper fear in the man. A fear that burned deep because the calm tone told him that Kurapika was unfazed by the idea of harming someone. 

“Okay! I’ll tell you whatever you want, just please don’t hurt me.” The man pleaded. Kurapika, for the moment, lowered his weapon, his eyes still a blazing scarlet that seemed to glow in the dimly lit alleyway. “What is it you want to know?” 

“Where is the necklace? The one with the red jewel. I am aware your men picked it up and I want its location.” Kurapika said, voice still calm. It felt as if he was speaking about the weather and it added a chill to the already frigid air. 

“It’s in the mansion. In the basement. The boss is keeping it there until the auction.” The man whimpered. Kurapika nodded his head. He made a move to put his weapons away. “Now that I told you what you wanted to hear can I go?” The man asked, voice shaking. Kurapika looked at him, a smile making its way onto the blond's face. A cold, sadistic smile that caused chills to the bone. 

“Why yes you can.” Kurapika said, pulling his blade from its wooden sheath. Before the man had much time to register what happened, Kurapika slashed the blade across the man's throat, blood pouring from the wound. Kurapika sheathed his sword, putting it back in its usual hiding place. He had his info, now to get out of the rain. 

Kurapika sat in a small diner, the kind mostly only the elderly and puppy love sickened people go to. It was quiet and warm which did Kurapika a favor since he was currently soaked from the rain and a small headache was forming. The waitress, blond and seemingly sweet, reminds Kurapika of someone that an old friend of his would likely fall all over. His friend, a man who found women to be the greatest thing in the world aside from money and his hidden need to save friends. Leorio hadn’t crossed Kurapika’s mind in over eight months. He hadn’t put thought into many people as of lately. His mindset, and even motive, took a three-sixty and now confusion and wondering of what was right and wrong filled his days. Friends were meaningless in the light of self finding. After all, his friends weren’t here now and for that he was somewhat thankful. He could hear the disappointment in Leorio’s voice, see it in Gon’s eyes. He was sure Killua would lecture him if he even bothered to care. Kurapika couldn’t stand the idea of hearing it, though if it was out of need to not fail his new found friends or just the pure fact it would be annoying, was unclear. Kurapika’s mind says both, but his mind wasn’t always dependable. The waitress brings Kurapika’s coffee and he mutters a soft thank you as she walks away. The blond takes a sip as he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. He sets his mug down, pulling out his phone. A name reads across the screen and Kurapika smiles, sliding it to answer. He presses the phone to his ear. “Hello.” 

“Kurapika! Hello, how did the mission go?” The voice on the other end asks. The enthusiasm is apparent and there is a bit too much for asking about something likely pertaining to murder. Kurapika looks out the window he is seated near, watching the rain fall. 

“It went well. I got the information you requested.” Kurapika revealed. He looked back to his coffee, sipping some. 

“Excellent! I expect you’ll be back soon?” The voice asked. Kurapika hummed in response. A response he knew the person on the other end understood well. They always read him better than anyone else. They understood him in ways no one else did, which is what made his confliction so hard. Because they knew him and he owed them so much. Because to side with them would only be right even if it wasn’t. “Great! I look forward to seeing your cute face.” The person said. Kurapika felt his cheeks heat up. 

“Don’t say things like that. You don’t want my eyes to turn scarlet in public do you?” Kurapika asked, his blush apparent in his voice. He heard a giggle from the other end. 

“No, I don’t. I’d prefer to keep your scarlet eyes to myself as much as I can.” The person taunted. Kurapika covered his face, silently cursing himself for getting flustered and that person for making him flustered. He made a mental note to make them pay later for this. 

“I’ll have to show you how deep of scarlet my eyes can get later.” Kurapika purred, smirking slightly. He could almost hear the blush in the person's voice as they made a gasping sound. “Perhaps we can play a little game and you can see how scarlet you can make them.” Kurapika added, a little more teasing for good measure. 

“I look forward to it.” The person said. Kurapika smiled, pressing his fingers to his lips. He softly hummed, closing his eyes. It was for imaginative purpose. “I’ll see you soon Kurapika.”

“See you soon my dear.” Kurapika replied before hanging up. He finished his coffee and got up, leaving the money for the coffee and a small tip. His clothes, now dry for the most part, would soon be soaked in rain once again. A wasted attempt for warmth. He could have had coffee back at home and saved himself time. He stepped out into the rain, continuing up the street. He hoped, in some blind strike of luck, someone would offer him a ride home. He knew he could call for someone, but dealing with most of the people he had in his contact list was too hard. They got under his skin and made him wish he could kill them all. Unfortunately, his ties with one of those people and his emotional bond kept him chained to them all. It was ironic in its own twisted way. Kurapika looked up at the gloomy, dark sky, the rain cascading down on his face. What a cruel, bittersweet twist of fate. 

Somewhere nearby, Gon and Killua sat at a booth in a different diner. Leorio sat across from them. They had called him after being unable to reach Kurapika. Apparently the blonds phone had been disconnected. They both hoped Leorio had somehow managed to contact Kurapika since he, as far as they were concerned, was closest to the blond. They were surprised when they met up with the intraining doctor and found he hadn’t heard from Kurapika ether. Killua and Gon had some information that they thought Kurapika might like to hear. Leorio took a sip of his coffee before looking at Gon and Killua. “So, what is this information that you have?” Leorio asked. He knew that he likely couldn’t do much to help, but he was damn sure going to try. 

“Killua and I heard a rumor that the troupe is back. There have been some recent attacks and deaths that are suspected to be related to them.” Gon stated, playing with his straw. Leorio understood how this definitely needed to get back to Kurapika. If the troupe was back to causing trouble likely they either found a new leader or Chrollo had gotten the nen removed. No matter what it was, Kurapika needed to know. Killua was looking out the window watching the rain fall. 

“So, how are we going to find him?” Leorio asked. Without a phone to call they had no way of contacting him. They also had no idea where he was. He might not even be in this city. Gon was going on the theory that since the auction was coming up likely he would be here guarding Neon again, and If not Neon then someone who would attend the auction. 

“We could always contact the Nostrade family and ask if Kurapika still works for them.” Gon suggested. Leorio knew that likely wouldn’t give way to much leads, but anything was better than nothing. Leorio took out his phone, dialing the number. He had it from a few months back, and had been told by Melody if any issues arose to contact this number. He wasn’t even sure if it was the Nostrade family’s or Melody’s, but anyone at this point would be okay. Killua jumped, shaking Gon’s shoulder. 

“I think I saw someone pass by who looked like Kurapika.” Killua interrupted. Leorio handed Gon the phone, standing up. 

“I’ll go look. You two stay here and wait for me to get back.” Leorio instructed the boys, running towards the door. He ran outside, spotting the person Killua had seen. It definitely looked like Kurapika. Blond hair, clothing that was similar to something he would wear and that single red earring. It had to be him. Leorio ran after the individual, yelling out the blonds name. Kurapika looked back at him before turning and taking off through the crowd. Leorio followed suit, pushing his way through the people standing by. It was hard to keep track of the blonds small figure and a few times Leorio thought he lost him, but he managed to keep track. Once they were away from the crowd, Kurapika came to a stop, turning to face him. The blonds clothes were soaked and sticking to him. His hair, only slightly longer since Leorio had last seen him, was sticking to his cheeks. His brown eyes, conflicting between sorrow and something Leorio couldn’t place. He didn’t have his contacts in, something Leorio noted. Leorio made a move to step forward and Kurapika’s guard was immediately raised. He seemed so different, his usual untouchable attitude seemed different this time. “Kurapika,” Leorio said, voice low. Kurapika took a deep breath, shaking his head. Leorio didn’t know what he was trying to tell him. He was just glad the blond was okay. “Kurapika, we’ve looked everywhere for you. We tried calling you. We need to talk about something. The troupe is back.” Kurapika doesn’t seem surprised or phased. He doesn’t seem anything and something isn’t right. Kurapika should be angry, he should be screaming and swearing revenge. He should be doing anything except standing there looking at Leorio with guilty eyes. 

“I know they’re back.” Kurapika snarled. He pulled off his Kurta style vest, lifting his white undershirt. Leorio’s eyes widened. Just below Kurapika’s ribcage was a spider tattoo with a number in the middle. Not just any spider tattoo, it was the mark of the phantom troupe. “I’m not the Kurapika you once knew.” Kurapika tells him gently. He put his shirt down, putting back on his Kurta vest. He turned and started walking off. Leorio wants to chase him, scream at him, knock sense into him. He wants to do anything but stand and watch as Kurapika walks away. He wants to but his feet won’t move. He can’t will his body to move and stop Kurapika from leaving. He wants to, but he can’t find it in him and his mind says it’s no use. Nothing he says will change anything and the shock of learning the truth leaves Leorio sore. The rain suddenly feels a lot colder and his soaked suit so much heavier, but it doesn’t compare to the weight of the truth. The truth that once again Kurapika is someplace Leorio can’t save him from and this time he might not be able to get out. 

“Damnit.” Leorio growled, gritting his teeth. 

Kurapika arrived at the place he had been staying at. He looked over the building, the rain having stopped a few minutes ago. His clothes still clung to his body as he thought back on earlier. Leorio would likely go back and tell Gon and Killua what had happened. Kurapika hoped so at least. They all needed to know things had changed, that he had changed. He saw the light in the window of where he was staying turn on, a smile making its way onto his face. He needed to keep in mind his real goal. What really mattered.


	2. Keep me out of reach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The troupe gather to meet while Leorio tries to find a way to save Kurapika from his own mistakes. 
> 
> The question is, is Kurapika's reasons for joining the spiders as simple as Leorio thinks?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I read over this chapter by myself so I'm sorry if I missed any errors. This has been wrote up for a little while but I was trying to find someone to read over it for me. I hope I did well and I hope you guys enjoy. Next chapter will be focusing on how Kurapika ended up in the troupe. Let me know what you guys think.

Leorio’s fist collided with the dry wall. He had went back to his motel room after the incident with Kurapika. Gon and Killua sat on the bed, both were extremely confused. Kurapika was with the spiders. That didn’t make any sense, Kurapika hated the spiders. Why would he join them? He must have been being controlled or forced to. He would never willingly do something like that.   
Leorio was pacing back and forth, working out every possibility. They threatened him, they brainwashed him, mind control of some sort. Anything to make this make sense. To find a way to fix this because no way Kurapika was friends with the troupe now. No way was he just going to side with them after all the pain they caused him. No way they would let him in after he killed one of their members. Things didn’t make any sense. Leorio sat down at the desk, looking on the computer. Likely all these murders as of late were pulled off by Kurapika. All of them were going after people who were going to participate in the auction. Sellers who had rare itimes, one in which caught Leorio’s attention. A golden necklace with a red jewel in the middle. It definitely looked like it belong to the Kurta clan. Could Kurapika have joined the troupe for information on his clan's eyes or belongings. That was impossible, he hated them too much. Leorio thought that idea might be plausible though. Kurapika was desperate to destroy the troupe and find his clan's eyes. What better way then from the inside. He looked over at Gon and Killua. 

“What’s wrong old man? Do you think you might have a lead as to why Kurapika joined the troupe?” Killua asked. He seen Leorio get mad for a split second about the ‘old man’ thing, before returning to a more neutral face. 

“Maybe, but i'm not sure.” Leorio said. He waved them over. Both boys walking over to him. They looked at the laptop screen. “I’m thinking he might have joined them to find his clan's eyes and belongings, but i’m not one hundred percent sure.” Leorio said. Gon seemed like he was somewhat on bored with this idea, but Killua didn’t look as convinced. 

“I feel there is more to it then we are seeing.” Killua said. Leorio pulled off his glasses, pinching the bridge of his nose. This wasn’t getting any easier. If Killua was right and there was more to it than just seeking better access to information on his clan's eyes, then this was going to get even harder. If they couldn’t find his reason then it would be impossible to convince him to think things over. To reason with him that this was a bad idea. The troupe was his enemy and no matter the reason Kurapika needed to have sense knocked into him. Leorio made a promise to himself, next time he seen the blond he would do just that. 

“I’ll keep looking for information. You two get some ice cream or rest. I’ll let you know if I find anything else.” Leorio said. Killua nodded his head and took Gon’s hand walking off. There was no use in them worrying over Kurapika. Leorio was looking into it and he would figure out what was going on with the blond. The look in Kurapika’s eyes, a look like he felt guilty. He looked like he never wanted Leorio to see him like this. He looked like Leorio remembered. Beautiful and out of reach. Kurapika always ran when he was in danger and not from the danger. He ran from those who sought to help him, pushed them away. Leorio wanted to punch the blond just once, knock sense into him. Most importunately he wanted to hold the blond, remind him not everything came in shades of grey. Not everything was loss and revenge. People cared for him and needed him. He had a home despite what he might think and there was life after vengeance. Gon and Killua missed him, Leorio missed him. He wanted Kurapika back, wanted that smile he seen during the hunter exam. That softness that was under a cold edge. He wanted to see sides of Kurapika yet to be discovered. He wanted it and he dreamt of it. He couldn’t count how many times he had dreamt of having the blond by his side. All the plans he made and never said, because they sounded stupid. Because Kurapika was untouchable. 

Kurapika walked into his apartment, tired. He was thankful that for the most part the troupe stayed separated. He was sure he couldn’t take seeing their faces everyday. His mouth still had a bitter taste and he was far from over what they had done to his clan. He was trying though, doing his best not to rip them apart piece by piece. To see the blood of the troupe spilled would be a blessing, but Kurapika needed to keep a level head. At least for now. He walked into the bathroom, stripping off his clothes. He looked in the mirror, seeing his tired eyes. He walked over turning on the shower. He carefully stepped inside, feeling the warm water hit his body. He closed his eyes, letting out a deep breath. The warm water felt nice on his tired body. He started washing his hair, massaging the strawberry smelling shampoo into his hair. He rinsed it out, looking down at his wrist. Marks were imprinted in them, his chains always tighter than they should be. A habit as Kurapika called it. He liked the chains tight, the pain that came with them digging into his skin. He liked the relief of his own self served pain. He turned the water off, stepping out. He wrapped a towel around himself, stepping out of the bathroom. He walked into the bedroom, looking around for his night clothes. He felt arms wrap around him from behind, kissing his neck. He turned his head, looking at the person behind him with a smile. 

“Hey there gorgeous.” They said. Kurapika turned around, kissing their lips. A slight blush spread across his cheeks. He looked into their eyes smiling. 

“You my dear are the gorgeous one.” Kurapika said, running his hands through the person's hair. It felt so soft and Kurapika was thankful for that. It felt like it had a long time ago. In those moments, those small things brought Kurapika back to when he was younger. It made things feel more like home for a moment. Kurapika dropped his towel, walking over to the closet. He pulled out a dress shirt, pulling on his binder. He put the dress shirt on buttoning it up. He walked over opening a drawer, pulling out a pair of underwear. He put them on, looking over at his partner in crime. 

“Why do you always dress so formal when we go to these meetings?” They asked. Kurapika pulled on his pants, zipping and buttoning them up. 

“Because those jerks have no right seeing me in my traditional Kurta clothing.” Kurapika said. He pulled on his jacket. He looked over at his partner, seeing the way they eyed him. He walked over, standing on his tippy toes to kiss the dark haired boy. “Something are only for you to see.” Kurapika whispered against the boy's lips. His partner pressed a kiss to his forehead. 

“I’m flattered there is things only I’m allowed to see.” He said, running his fingers through Kurapika’s hair. He rested his thumb on the blond's cheek, caressing it softly. “Let hurry and get this boring meeting over with. After all I have to keep my promise of making your eyes scarlett.” He said, smiling when he noticed Kurapika’s blush. Kurapika was always so cute when he was flustered. Kurapika nodded his head, grabbing his partners hand. He hated these meetings so much. 

Leorio sat, rubbing his face. It was almost two in the morning and Leorio wasn’t sure how much longer he could stay up. He had been researching and looking for leads for hours. All dead ends or just impossible theories. Gon and Killua had gone to bed hours ago. He picked up his phone, looking at the picture he had as his background of the four of them all together. They weren’t the best times but still they had been together. They had been almost like a family. Kurapika was even smiling in the picture, which had been hard to get since the blond had became more cold as of lately. He ran his finger over the part of the picture where Kurapika was, frowning. 

“Why are you always running from everyone who wants to help you?” Leorio whispered. He said it as if he thought the picture would answer. As if by some miracle Kurapika would hear and see how hard he was trying. How much he and Killua and Gon all cared for him. How much they needed him here. How with time and work they could fix whatever it was that was going on. Leorio believed that with everything in him. That with time he could help Kurapika get better and move past his revenge. That he could show him he still had people who care deeply for him. Maybe if Kurapika seen how much Leorio and Gon and Killua needed him he would come to his senses. He would finally team up with them, he would let them help him. Leorio hoped so at least. Leorio bit back tears as he stared at his phone. “Why are you always so out of my reach?” 

Kurapika walked into the abandoned building. He seen Chrollo sitting in his usual high up spot. He was reading his usual book. Kurapika didn’t know what it was about nor did he care. He wasn’t here to make friendly with the leader. He was here to get what he was looking for a jump ship. He would run as he always had, but this time not from people seeking to help. This time it was to safety. This time it was for his happiness.

“We thought you weren't going to show Kurapika, Pairo.” Feitan said, in that snide tone he often used. Especially with Kurapika. His hatred for him and what he had done ran deep. Kurapika felt no guilt either. He never felt guilt for the dead troupe members or tried not to. Deep down murder was still murder, even if they deserved it. Kurapika shot a glare in Feitan’s direction. Chrollo stood up, putting his hand up. 

“Lets not fight now. Kurapika, Pairo thank you for showing up.” Chrollo said, looking over to the two people who had just entered the room. Kurapika has to bite his tongue to keep from saying something snide to the troupe leader. “Now then, let's get this meeting underway.” Chrollo said. Kurapika clinched his fists, doing his best to stay calm. His anger immediately calmed down as he felt Pairo grab his hand. He needed to keep a level head. Everything was going to be okay. He had Pairo and that’s all that matters.


End file.
